8 Simple Rules For Dating Hermione Granger
by The.Beautiful.And.The.Damned
Summary: Rule One: If you come to this door and knock you'd better be delivering a message, because you're sure as hell not picking anything up..." OneShot


**This is one of my favorite things I've written because it makes me laugh every single time I read it. I hope it has the same effect on you! I got the idea from the fantastic TV show "8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter".**

_Disclaimer: I own two fish. That's about it..._

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Knock knock.

Harry, Ron and Ginny each exchanged excited glances before Ron got up to open the door. Ginny and Harry followed close behind.

When the portrait swung open Draco stood there with a small smirk on his face, which faded upon seeing the three of them. He wore a black button down shirt with baggy jeans, his hands grasped around a bunch of white lillies - Hermione's favorite flowers. Ginny had to admit, he looked kinda cute.

"Rule One: If you come to this door and knock you'd better be delivering a message, because you're sure as hell not picking anything up," Ron growled. Ginny shot Harry a small glance but said nothing. "Rule Two: You _do not _touch Hermione in front of me. You can look at her, so long as you do not see anything below her neck. If you can't keep your eyes or hands off of her body, I will remove them," Ginny was smiling now, knowing very well that Ron was not joking. She figured if her brother was going to have a little fun, why couldn't she?

"Rule Three," she could have sworn she saw Draco roll his eyes but she continued anyway. "I am aware that it is considered fashionable for you Slytherin's to wear your pants so loose that they appear to be falling off your hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots," she heard Harry let out a small laugh from beside her, but placed her hands on her hips and continued. "Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my best friend, I will take my wand and mutter a spell that will fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist, painfully,"

Once again, Ron spoke. "Rule four: I'm sure you know that nowadays sex without some kind of "barrier method" can kill you," he flushed red, but continued. "Let me explain. When it comes to sex, _we_ are the barrier, and we WILL kill you,"

Harry and Ginny both nodded in agreement and it was Harry's turn. "Rule Five: Hermione said that we should get to know each other a little by talking about sports, school, you know, things we might have in common. We're not going to. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have Hermione safely back at this dorm, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

"Rule Six," Ginny cleared her throat. "I have no doubt you think you're top shit, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with Hermione. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my best friend, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry," she glared for good measure.

Harry folded his arms across his chest. "Rule seven: if you think that just because she sees something good in you then the rest of us will too then you are wrong. We hate you and we always will. That will never change. Don't think that it ever will. And don't assume you can come around whenever you wish,"

Ron was really getting sick of staring at him and wanted the rest of it over and done with. "Rule eight; the following places are not suitable for a date with Hermione. Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool,"

Ginny also had a few. "Places lacking other students, teachers, or me. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness,"

"Places where the rooms temperature is warm enough to tempt Hermione to wear shorts, tank tops, t-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a snow jacket zipped up to her chin," Harry tried not to laugh as Ron mentioned the 'clothing' rule the boys had previously discussed.

But he had a few of his own as well. "Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme should be avoided," he nodded. "But movies which feature chainsaws are okay,"

Ginny shot him a strange look. "Harry," she whispered under the breath. "What's a movie?"

He'd forgotten that movies were a Muggle date tradition. He looked at Draco who was staring at the three of them, utterly bewildered. "Never mind that last bit,"

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**Awww I wish I had friends as cute as them! Actually who am I kidding if I had friends as cute as Daniel and Rupert why would I bother with dating anyone else! Hehe!**

Hit that little button and let me know what you thought!

- Jay 


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